Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
