Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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