Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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