Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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