i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
