just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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