Just fell off a train. Bad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This couple is walking their pig around campus
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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