just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
