Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
