Her vagina should come with caution tape.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
