im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
