FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
