I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
