Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
