I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
