i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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