shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Did I show you my penis last night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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