if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
