He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
