your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have so many feelings about this burrito
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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