I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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