My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
