awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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