i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
