I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
