He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Still dying that you shit outside
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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