i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
