I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
