I just pynch a tree in the face
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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