I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
