East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
