Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
