I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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