He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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