The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
