whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
