Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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