around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
