Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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