I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
