It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
