I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
