upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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