When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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