conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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