my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
