I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
