It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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