it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
