Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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